Porchboy (porchboy) wrote,

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.naf eht htettih tihs eht ,semitemos

Had a decent sized argument w/ Krystal tonight about the way I behave if and when I decide to go out. Based on past experiences, Krystal often has troubles with me going out, even to the most mundane places w/ whom I believe to be very trustworthy people. It's not that I've ever given her reason to doubt me, and I havn't, but because of a specific instance when a female friend of mine followed me into the bathroom at a party cause she really had to pee - and I got there first. Nothing happened - nothing ever would have - but it was taken the wrong way and drama ensued.

Anyway - Krystal has had issues w/ me going out in the past - that often, due to her inability to see that it's totally innocent, and my inability to handle her inability to handle - we often fought about me going out. This ended up in fighting for an hour before I left, and often fighting for an hour on the phone sometime during the night. Never a fun situation. This lead me to do one of three things when the opportunity to go out arose - in order of most common to least common.

1) Not go out to avoid a fight.
2) Go out and handle the fight, which puts a damper on my evening.
3) Go out and not say anything, and hope that it doesn't come out later.

As is quite obvious, none of those situations are ideal, and it's #3 that Krystal took the most issue with, which is completly understandable to me. I don't ever give her shit about where she's going - but as any reasonable S.O. I like to know where she's going in case of an emergency. It was very hard for me to extend her that common curtesy however, because I was afraid to deal with the fight beforehand. Her getting as upset as she does may be a very valid response - but it's not one I understand, and I don't know how to properly relay that, if there is a proper way to relay that I don't understand the way she's feeling - so I just wouldn't say anything.

After about an hour of virtually screaming at each other, and her making me realize that I wasn't giving her a chance, and that she had gotten a lot better about things like that, and I must admit, she has come a very long way - we came to an agreement that hopefully will work out well for both of us.

1) I'm going to tell her where I'm going and what I'm doing - instead of just not going out or keeping her in the dark.
2) She's going to do everything in her power to understand that I'm not doing anything stupid, and to let me go without a fight, because she does trust me.
3) She told me that most times when she gets upset, she realizes later that she overreacted, either to the situation, or to I dealt with her overreacting, which is understandable since I can be a cunt when I don't get my way. So she told me that if she starts giving me shit about going out because of where or who I'm going with - that I should kiss her goodbye, tell her I love her, and go.

I'm not so sure how #3 is going to work out, but I'm tired of having fights, and I'm tired of not going out for fear of having fights, so I'm willing to give it a shot. And, if it doesn't work - at least I'm not holding things back from her anymore.

So yeah. I think this is by far the most personal entry I've posted in my journal. Hopefully I won't have to keep these to a minimum.
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